Welcome to Boston! Please keep your arms, legs, shoelaces, scarves, gloves, snow shovels, snow boots, and Red Sox logoed baseball caps inside the vehicle. It’s going to be a bumpy ride.
You’ve heard that New England gets cold, so it’s not that surprising when the thermometer doesn’t go above 40 degrees for all of January. And yet, people are commenting on how mild the weather is. That’s because it is mild, though your thin-blooded body is already protesting amid piles of blankets and wärmflasches.
You might think everyone is insane for believing the winter is so warm. You can’t believe how people are wandering around outside in 30 degree weather wearing nothing but a pair of jeans and thin sweater, but don’t worry. You’ll become one of them soon enough.
For one split second, you doubted me. So I sent a blizzard your way.
Remember the days when two inches of snow was enough to make you significantly late to work, especially when you couldn’t figure out how to clean your windshield without shattering the glass or freezing the washing fluid?
(Your coworkers laughed. You deserved it.)
Remember when, no matter what, you could find parking within a mile radius of your apartment every day at any time?
Remember what it was like to see grass??
Welcome to your frozen hellscape.
From Boston, With Love.