The beginning of the beginning

It was only ten days ago, a mere week and a half, when I faced myself in the mirror and I asked myself, “Stuart, are you sure you are doing the right thing?” It is strange—my emotions have wavered like the crests and troughs of a sine wave over the past four months. Ever since the moment I decided. The origin. Point (0, 0). December 12th. It was such a huge decision to make, so much so that it almost needed to be made with haste. It meant leaving everything behind. My career. My friends. My comfort. But it felt right… well, mostly.

Logically, it seemed perfect. My department at work was on the cusp of restructuring in a way that would leave me in a position that I would be overqualified for… and underpaid. So why not take another job where I’d be “underpaid”? I mean, it’s paid equivalent to others in the area, but it’s not the same level of pay that I’m used to in the States. Plus the conversion from pesos to dollars means my salary is understated. As long as I somewhat adapt to my new culture and surroundings by shopping at the market and enjoying the local commerce, I should be able to sobrevivir with my new salary. That means no Starbucks or Taco Bell for me here in Mexico. Well, I guess the Taco Bell is easy since there aren’t any in the entire country (apparently the few branches were closed a few years ago). And the closest Starbucks is in Guadalajara. So I should be safe…

I mean, who can argue with logic? Four years ago when this opportunity presented itself, it was clearly not logical. Por ejemplo, I had just bought a Jeep, renewed a two-year cell phone contract, finished graduate school, accrued entirely too much debt, started dating someone, didn’t feel adequate in regards to my professional experiences or Spanish speaking abilities, and the list seemed to go on and on back then. I was able to devise a sound argument as to why I should not do it. Why I could not do it. So I didn’t do it.

Now, here I sit. I’ve sat here 3 times this past week. Outside the little villa I’m staying in. Overlooking the largest lake in Mexico. In awe of what I’m about to do.

And I realize—this is it. I’m no longer wandering aimlessly. I’ve found a path. And it feels right.

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